if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
