you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
