Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Michael Bay diarrhea
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
