Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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