i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
