well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Drunk is not a location!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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