By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
