I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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