quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
