I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
