So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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