Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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