you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
