I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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