I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
