She is in my trunk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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