I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
