i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i dont even know how to be here
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
