Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
PANTIES FOUND
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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