Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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