just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
