before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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