I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dignity is for republicans.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Come share oat with me in your robe
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
