she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
