She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
