The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
