I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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