We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
