I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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