you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
