I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
