absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
