Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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