Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
