Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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