Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
