Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
