Soap is not a condiment
Duck Duck Cougar?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
