our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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