You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
