Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
