God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
