she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
