i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
