I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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