I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
