are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
