What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
