I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
