I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
