he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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