Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
