I wish my penis had an off switch
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
