im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
