Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
