my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
