went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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